


Sick Love

by Monisse



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:08:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23050714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monisse/pseuds/Monisse
Summary: After their break up, Jo is still struggling between her brain and heart.Set shortly after 13x14.
Relationships: Alex Karev/Jo Wilson Karev
Kudos: 10





	Sick Love

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a little angsty. 
> 
> I realized I hadn't uploaded my Jolex stories to AO3, and in light of this week's episode I'm going to infuse some needed Jolex love over here.

The brush worked vigorously across her hands, the movements were rhythmic but forceful, so much that her fingers became painfully red. Jo welcomed the distraction, as the irritated skin shifted the focus away from the anxiety that built in the pit of her stomach. She looked across the window, into the operating room, and noticed he was ready, patiently waiting for her.

In the last few days Jo had begged, lied and traded favors just so she would not end up here so soon after their first case together in a long time. Their previous case, just a few days prior, was yet another test to her strength. Not only did she have to work with Alex again, but she had to go through the motions of a case that hit too close to home, while he was the only one there knowing how deeply it affected her. It had been entirely too much to handle, the unfairness of a kid that had to live with the kidney of his abusive father, and Alex’s constant worried glances towards her. In the end she ended up losing her carefully composed self, becoming overwhelmingly sensitive.

Without the looming threat of jail for him or the sheer fear of being forced to tell the truth in court, Jo had worked hard to achieve a somewhat stable state of mind in the past few weeks. It had worked for a while, making her functional to a point that no one could tell how devastated she truly was inside, but it had all crumbled down in the span of a day. At the end of that case Jo ended up alone in the loft that was once their home, wavering between crying in frustration and wishing to run into his arms and unload months of sorrow, as she used to do.

But, as time flew by since their brutal separation the longing also became gradually unbearable, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to trust herself in his presence. Jo was not entirely sure if she was ready for it, but Alex was now fully reinstated, and she would be assisting him directly in surgery again.

She sighed deeply and walked into the operating room, positioning herself across from him. Alex simply nodded towards her and asked for a scalpel. As the blade ran smoothly across the skin, Jo saw small wrinkles appearing in the corners if his eyes. She could tell Alex was smiling behind the mask which confirmed he had missed his job immensely. It would be a little comfort to her if it weren’t for the visible tension in his shoulders. He too was anxious in her presence.

Her back ached with hives, a side-effect of nerves, and an uncontrollable urge to scratch tingled in the tip of her fingers, but her hands never faltered. Their hands moved in silence, progressing further into the small body at the table. For a long stretch of time, the heart monitor was the only sound in the room, but Jo was sure her own heart beat the loudest.

After a while they unconsciously relaxed in each other’s presence and found themselves seemingly suspended in time. In the hours they operated together, they were once again themselves, with no traumas of the past, no questions for the future, just the present and a deeply rooted trust in each other. Not for the first time she marveled at how symbiotic they were in the OR. Barely no words were exchanged, but her tools followed his lead, anticipating every move.

Occasionally his eyes would turn to Jo, with a small wrinkle between them. Years of knowing Alex made Jo fluent at reading his expressions, even when his warm brown eyes were the only visible part. His eyes were filled with questions that did not dare to be said out loud. Up close, she noticed that dark circles had formed under his eyes as well. Jo wondered if he too was having a hard time sleeping, now that she was not there to run a hand through his hair and calm Alex into sleep whenever he was troubled.

In the end it was the rustle of the finishing arrangements and the rest of the surgical team preparing to leave that burst the peaceful bubble they had been immersed in. And just like that, the anxious feeling was back in her stomach and his shoulders tensed again. After a short grateful nod, Jo stepped aside and walked back towards the scrub room, shedding the surgical clothes along the way.

There, with a few feet of distance between them, she gripped the edge of the sink until her knuckles turned white. Shortly after, she watched him walk into the room with purpose and realised it was getting harder to avoid him while dragging an aching heart though the hallways of the hospital. And from the longing look in his eyes, Alex was aching just as much.

Every night she tossed and turned, alone in bed, trying to reconcile the man she loved with the volatile one that could so easily have killed her friend. In that horrible day they had seemed to be one and the same, and that was why Jo still struggled with a constant fight between her brain and heart.

Her unfaltering reason, the one that had taken Jo thus far in life, told her to run away from what could be another trigger for a lifetime of misery. Every day she tried hard to forget those horrible images of violence that seemed engraved in her mind. But then again, her heart knew better than that. She had known Alex for years, he was temperamental and often acted without thinking of consequences, but fundamentally he was a good man, loving and kind, albeit with a terrible sense of control. Conciliating such an ambiguous character was preventing Jo from much needed sleep and her stomach could barely keep any food nowadays.

Alex approached her, determined to speak, but before he could utter a word her breading become shallow and beads of sweat formed in her temples. All the while her peripheral vision decreased significantly with each loud beat of her heart. It was deafening. Jo had no time to fully diagnose herself because when his hand touched her shoulder, she turned abruptly, and her world spun fast. There was blue all over her vision and she realized Alex had caught her mid faint to the ground. He held her body close with a grip that spoke volumes of his worry.

Echoes of her name reached her ears, but Jo could not find the strength to answer his frantic calls. At their own volition, Jo’s arms circled his shoulders and her nails dug deep into his dark blue scrubs, most likely leaving dents in the skin of his back. Her face rested against his neck and she inhaled deeply. That was a mistake. Her brain filled with his familiar scent, which assaulted Jo with flashes of their skin against one another between the sheets and the kisses she used to place on that same spot. It took a while for her heart to stop racing and the scent of what were now sad memories to dissipate.

There was no question that Jo was still deeply in love with him, but in time she would have to solve the fight between brain and heart somehow. Meanwhile, if she was to keep some semblance of sanity, she would have to find a way to be immune to him.


End file.
